


Content

by orphan_account



Series: Porcelain [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Canon character death ( Angella ), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Glimbow, Glimbow-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Missing Scene, Scars, Self-Harm, Trans Bow (She-Ra), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26639173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Glimmer had always tried to ran away from the scars on her body.Maybe it was time for her to stop.tw: self harm scenes
Relationships: Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Series: Porcelain [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937410
Kudos: 35





	Content

**Author's Note:**

> Hi it's me back at it again with the hurt/comfort :)
> 
> On trans bow : yes . I LOVE that headcannon. I'd like to think that he's in a fully male body now after transitioning, though ( because, really, that's what trans people deserves ) .
> 
> Anyway !! enjoy.

If Glimmer could keep her gloves on her forever, she would.  
  
The fear started when she first became queen. Casta came just a few hours after she heard the news that her mother was gone, first to assure that she was there for her. Glimmer tried to act like she was ready to take the responsibility—she wasn’t—but she had to anyway, for the sake of Brightmoon. So the first thing she said to her aunt was that she needed to take over the kingdom _immediately_.  
  
Casta gave her a skeptical look. “Are you sure? Glimmer, it’s going to be tough. You don’t have to rush, you know—”  
  
“Of _course_ I have to rush!” She almost yells it. “Brightmoon—no, fuck that, _the_ _whole_ _Etheria_ —is at risk! We’re at war, Casta! And I have to make everything right because nothing is okay right now—”  
  
“Glimmer, I know,” Her aunt held her shoulder, speaking gently, as if she was trying to calm down a child. “I know, love. But are _you_ okay?”  
  
“Do you think _I_ matter?”  
  
“Of course you matter.”  
  
It wasn’t Casta—it was Bow’s voice, from the corner of the room, where he was watching the whole thing unfold. His eyes were glassy, as if he had been crying too (Glimmer had always thought that he had too much empathy inside him) but his expression was serious. He stared right into her eyes, to make sure she knows that he means it, and said, “You matter, Glimmer. What do you want?”  
  
“I want—” Her voice breaks. What does she want? To be honest, she doesn’t want this at all. To be honest, all she wanted was her parents with her. No war, nothing—just being a teenager, living her life with the sole responsibility of being one—not to lead a kingdom. Not to save the world.  
  
But of course that’s not going to happen, so she took a shaky breath and tried to control herself the best she could. “I want to take over the throne. I need to.”  
  
“Then let her,” Bow says. “She knows what’s best for herself, aunt Casta.”  
  
She doesn’t, but she’ll have to act like it, for now.  
  
“Okay.” Casta nods. “Okay. I’ll speak with—I’ll speak with whoever is in charge now. I’m sure I’ll figure it out…” She stood up from her seat, looking over Glimmer for a second as if she was trying to decide whether to hug her or not. She didn’t, though—Glimmer was thankful for that. She was sure that if someone held her, she would instantly break down and cry. “I’ll be back to check on you later, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
And with that, Casta went out the door.  
  
Glimmer heard Bow’s footsteps coming closer towards her, a few moments after the door closed.. When she looks up, he was sitting on the seat where Casta was, looking at her with a soft gaze. “Hey.”  
  
“Hey,” She rubs her eyes—she didn’t realize how tired she was until Casta left. “How’s—how’re you?”  
  
“Fine,” Bow shrugs. “A little tired.”  
  
“Adora?”  
  
“In the med bay,” He answers. “Still getting checked for trauma signs. She’ll be fine.”  
  
“I hope so.” Glimmer straightens up, taking a shaky breath before standing up. Bow stood up with her, arms hovering around her as if he was scared that she might collapse. “I—I need the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”  
  
“Glimm—”  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Glimmer says. She won’t—but she needed Bow to believe that she will. “I’m just going to clean up and stuff. You should too, you know.”  
  
“Yeah,” He nods reluctantly, sitting back down into his seat, “okay.”  
  
“Hey, it’s not like I’m going to pass out suddenly,” She tried to joke.  
  
“No, I just—” Bow tried to explain for a second, but he didn’t. “Never mind. I’ll be here, okay?”  
  
“I know,” She passed a smile—the itch on her hands was getting stronger. “You always are.”  
  
That was enough to reassure him a bit. “Alright.” He smiles. “Go on.”  
  
She tried to talk herself out of it, she really did—but she couldn’t. There was this aching pain in her chest—a mix of denial, shock and sadness at the same time—she couldn’t make it stop. She _needs_ to make it stop, because god, it hurts _so much._ Was she—was she really gone? Her mother? Is she really never going to see her again, forever?  
  
It doesn’t make senses. Nothing make senses.  
  
Glimmer took the knife from the bathroom shelf, gripping it so tightly until her knuckles turned white. She needs to do this. Anything to distract herself from the pain inside her— _anything_. Even if it meant hurting herself.

 _What would your mom say if she was here, Glimm?_ A voice in her mind says.  
  
_It doesn’t matter, because she wouldn’t know._  
  
_What if she is looking over you right now?  
  
_Glimmer pauses. _She’ll want me—she’ll want me to do what I think is right.  
  
Do you think _this _is right? Do you think your mother would want you hurting yourself like this?  
  
It doesn’t MATTER! She’s DEAD! _She almost screams the words out loud. She’s gone crazy, she’s losing her mind—and her mother is dead.  
  
Dead. Her mom is dead and she’ll never see her again. Only in pictures. Only in memories. Because she’s dead, she’s dead _dead dead dead—  
  
_Even the cut in her arm didn’t stop the aching pain in her chest. Glimmer stared at her left arm, tears running down her cheeks as she bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. At least it hurts enough to distract her, right? All she needs to do is to keep doing it, again and again like how she did last time, until—  
  
“Glimmer?”  
  
She dropped the knife in surprise.  
  
“Glimmer—what was that? Glimm!” Bow was knocking the bathroom door, voice desperate and full of worry. “Glimmer, I’m really worried, can you _please_ just open up—!”  
  
He’s jamming the lock, now, trying to shake it out of place. “Glimmer, please—”  
  
“I’m fine—Bow!” She was surprised of how hoarse her voice was. “Stop!”  
  
“Just let me see you,” Bow pleads. “ _Please_ , Glimmer—”  
  
“Bow, I’m fine, I’m _fine_ —!” She scrambles to hide the knife and the wound in her arm before Bow could see it, but it was too late. He was inside the bathroom, rushing towards her with wide eyes, and then suddenly two arms wrapped around her body and then Glimmer finally, _finally_ broke down.  
  
"Glimmer, what—what the _fuck—"_ His eyes widen when he saw the cut on her arm, the blood on her sleeve. " _Why_ —"  
  
"I didn't—I didn't know what to do," She really couldn't explain this—she doesn't have any. None that would justify it. "I'm sorry, don't be mad, please—"  
  
"Hey, _hey_ , I'm not—I'm not mad. I'm not mad, okay?" Bow says softly, cupping her cheek with his hand. She made her look at his eyes. "But this is _not_ okay, Glimm. This isn't—this isn't the only way you can cope—please don't think that. This isn't the only way out, Glimm. I'm here. I'm _here._ Talk to me instead." He pleads. " _Please."_  
  
His arms holding her tight. His fingers carding along her hair, whispering comforting words into the shell of her ear.   
  
_"It's okay."_ He whispers. _"It's okay, it's gonna be okay. We'll get out of this. I'm here."_  
  
Nothing was okay.  
  
But at least Bow had her.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The fear, of course, didn’t stop there. In fact, it had just started for her—the first time she hurts herself isn’t anywhere near being the last time.  
  
It was coronation day. For her. Casta really did everything she could to stop it, she really did, and Glimmer believes that—but Brightmoon was all about traditions. If she was going to become queen, she had to endure going through the coronation first.  
  
It felt like she was celebrating her mother’s death.  
  
Bow sat with her in her room that morning, helping her dress up. He was always hovering above her these days—Glimmer knew what it was all about. He was scared for her. She doesn’t blame him. She’s scared for herself, too. The long hours of crying, wanting to hurt herself over and over again just so that she could distract herself from the pain of losing her mother because it was _too much,_ it was just too much for her to bear. She isn’t strong enough for this.  
  
“Hey,” Bow calls, approaching her from the other side of the room with a cloth on his hand. “I found this when Casta and I was moving the outfit boxes.”  
  
“What is it?” She asks, finally breaking her stare from the mirror.  
  
“A glove,” He says, holding it up to her.  
  
“A single glove?”  
  
“Well, I couldn’t find the other pair.” He sat down on the chair beside her. “I just thought you’d want to wear it.”  
  
Glimmer took the glove from him. It wasn’t exactly a glove, really—just a long sleeve covering. There was nothing really special about it. It was white and plain, and it was long enough to cover almost her whole arm. She looked up at him, and his expression explains it all.

Oh.

“I mean, if you want to, of course,” Bow quickly added when he saw the look on her face. “I didn’t mean to—”  
  
“—no, no, it’s okay—it’s perfect, Bow.” She cuts him off. “It’s just what I need.”  
  
“Okay. That’s—that’s great, then.” He shrugs. “Do you… think people will get suspicious?”  
  
“Of what, this?” She asks. “Well, I’ll just tell them that it’s, uh, a fashion statement.”  
  
“A fashion statement?”  
  
“From you,” Glimmer adds. “You know how you’re always cool amongst the people here.”  
  
“I am?”  
  
“I mean, you _were_ quite the trend setter with your crop top and all.”  
  
“I _am?_ ” Bow laughs. “Oh, shut up, Glimm.”  
  
She laughs with him. It was nice, just laughing freely again, like she wasn’t about to be crowned queen in a few hours. Like her mother is still alive.  
  
“Here, let me help,” He took the glove from her hand, placing it over her left arm gently. He was considerate enough not to mention the red wound soon-to-be scar from last week. Instead he covers it all, then puts on her purple glove on both of her hands. “There you go.”  
  
“Thanks.” Glimmer sighs. She was trying her best not to break down again, or she would have to postpone the coronation for at least another week. “I never thought this was the way I’m going to be crowned, you know.”  
  
“I know.” Bow says, wrapping her hand around his and squeezes it tight. “And I know it’s easier said than done, but, I’m here for you. So is Adora, and the whole rebellion—we’ll get through this together. Okay?”  
  
“Yeah. Okay.” She nods. She has to do this. She has to make things work. “Let’s do this.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Even after the war ended, the fear kept hovering around her, waiting for the right moment to strike down. And that moment happens to be right now, while she was sitting in the bathroom, looking at her own reflection in the mirror.  
  
Scars. Scars everywhere—on her cheek, on her body, on her arms, as a reminder of the war. As if she needed more of that.  
  
“Glimm?” Bow’s voice calls— _of course it’s him,_ she thought—outside the bathroom door. “Can I come in?”  
  
Turns out, the fear had also passed to him, too.  
  
“Yeah,” Glimmer tells him. “Come in, Bow.”  
  
The door clicked open, and he steps in, still in his sleep shorts and crop top. He looks at her for a moment to make sure that she was safe, that everything was okay, before walking over to see what she was doing. “Hey. Good morning.”  
  
“Good morning to you, too.” She smiles, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Sleep well?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, definitely.” He chuckles and wraps his arms around her shoulders. “How long have you been awake before me?”  
  
“Not long. I didn’t want to wake you up.” Glimmer sighs, looking back to her reflection in the mirror.  
  
“You okay?” There was his voice again, turning to concern almost immediately.  
  
“Hm?” She looks up to him, only to be met with his worried, alarmed expression. “Hey, I’m okay, Bow. Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“I just…” He trails, unconsciously touching the scar on her shoulder. “I just—I don’t know. I was just scared, I guess.”  
  
“Hey,” Glimmer says softly, reaching to cup his cheek with her hand. “Don’t be. There’s nothing to be scared of, remember?”  
  
“I know.” Bow sighs. “I’m trying to, you know. Unlearn the whole ‘alert and anxious’ thing. I mean, what if we need it again? We never know that.”  
  
“Bow.” She says firmly, pulling him in for a light kiss. She’s been dating him long enough to know that a kiss always shuts him up. When they pulled apart, he looked so confused and flushed that it made her laugh.  
  
“What—what was that for?” He frowns. “I mean, it was nice, but—why?”  
  
“To shut you up.” Glimmer says casually. “You’re always too anxious for your own good, you know. Maybe you should start seeing Perfuma. Or that old woman Adora and Catra are seeing—she’s probably _really_ powerful.”  
  
“I think we all need to.”  
  
She looks up at him. “Did it happen again?”  
  
“Yeah,” Bow nods. “It was a nightmare—you were crying.”  
  
Glimmer stares at him for a moment—her mind instantly tells her to apologize, but she held her tongue back. She knew Bow hates it when she does that. So she said instead, “Well, I didn’t remember anything, so it couldn’t be _that_ bad, right? It’s not like they’ll be gone completely, anyway.” She shrugs. “Just the side effects of war we have to live with.” She touched the scar on her left arm unconsciously while she said it, caressing the faint scar lightly. How long had it been?  
  
“Hmm. Maybe.” Bow sighs, watching her carefully. “Hey, do they—do they still hurt? You know, the scars?”  
  
“What, this?” She held her arm up. “No, of course not.”  
  
“No, I meant—when you remember it.”  
  
“Oh.” Glimmer considered it for a while. Of course it still hurts—it reminded her of… everything, really. How hopeless she had felt. How burdened and pained and heavy it was, to be left with the responsibility to lead a kingdom in the middle of a war and being having to deal with her mother’s dead at the same time _so_ _suddenly_.  
  
She could almost feel the ache in her chest again. “Yeah. I don’t think it ever stopped.”  
  
Bow took a seat beside her, taking her left arm into his hand. “Do you think it’ll be easier if it’s gone?”  
  
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “What about you?”  
  
“Me?” Bow looks at himself. “No, I mean—I have scars, I guess, but there weren’t any emotional ties to them. Not really. Just… fighting.” He seems to be thinking about it for a while, though. “Except—”  
  
“Except… what?”  
  
“No. Nothing.” He shook his head. “It’s stupid, anyway.”  
  
“No it’s not.” She says, holding both of his hands in hers firmly. “It’s not, Bow. I promise. You can tell me if you’re comfortable about it.”  
  
“Okay. Well.” He starts. “You know how I’m—you know how I wasn’t a man before, right?”  
  
“Yeah.” Glimmer nods, careful not to mention anything about his past body.  
  
“Well—I didn’t know that until I was like, twelve.” Bow sighs. “I kept… you know. Being deadnamed, misgendered. My fathers loved me as a girl, being the only one in the family and all. And they wouldn’t listen to me when I tried telling them about what I felt, what I wanted—it was… excruciating. To look at myself in the mirror. To hear them call me what I wasn’t _._ To be out of place in my own body.” There’re tears in his eyes, now, and when he spoke again, his voice breaks. “I thought I was better off dead than feel like this forever.”  
  
Glimmer’s eyes widen. “Bow…”  
  
“Yeah,” He had a resentful smile on his face, but he kept going anyway. “One day, I found this… spell, a magic that would let you change your body into whatever you wanted it to be. It was dangerous, and I didn’t know anything about magic, but I was so desperate—I just lost it all that one night. I ran off into the woods with the scroll and tried to perform the spell on my own.” He pulls his top up revealing a white, diagonal scar all the way across his chest. “It almost killed me.”  
  
She held a hand against her mouth. How has she—how the hell has she never heard of this before? “But—but your dads, they—”  
  
“They were supportive of me eventually, yeah. My dads did the spell for me properly, and here I am now.” Bow says. “But… I thought that, if I never had that near death experience, I would still be stuck in my old body and feel out of place forever. I would be back in the library, doing what my dads wanted me to do, being a good girl.” He said bitterly. “I wouldn’t have met you.”  
  
Glimmer traced the scar gently. When she look up at him, tears were running down his face. “Do you… would you ever forgive your dads?”

“I love them, my dads—I really, _really_ do. But sometimes—sometimes there’re just mistakes that you couldn’t make yourself forgive.” He whispers, looking at his body. “God, I feel terrible for saying that now. But I’m trying to forgive them—I really am. It’s just… hard.”  
  
“I know.” She held his hand. “It takes time, right?”  
  
“Yeah.” He nods, then shook his head, smiling. “God, maybe we really _do_ need to go see Perfuma.”  
  
“Yeah,” Glimmer laughs. “Maybe we should.” She couldn’t stop staring at the scar in his chest. This, _this_ was the reason why he never revealed himself completely shirtless. “Do you… do you think it’s easier if _this_ is gone?”  
  
“Honestly?” Bow looks at his reflection in the mirror. “No. I mean—it reminded me of how I felt years ago, when I was still in my old body, but I—I wouldn’t want it gone. I _decided_ to keep it, when my dads performed the spell.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because—because it reminded me of how far I’ve come now, of how strong I was.” He says, eyes stuck in the mirror, as if he was talking to himself. “It reminded me of how I didn’t give up.”  
  
Glimmer’s eyes shifts to the scar in her arm. “Yeah.”  
  
Bow smiles at her. “Hey, look at us.” He says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. There they were, staring at their own reflections in the mirror—scars displayed, tears on their eyes. But they were smiling. “Maybe these scars aren’t that useless after all, huh?”  
  
Glimmer shrugs. She’s not proud of her scars, not at all—but at least she could stop running away from it. She _will_. “Maybe not.”  
  
For the first time in her life, she was finally content with herself. At peace with her past and the scars all over her, both the seen and the unseen. Not completely, of course—but it’s a start.  
  
And that was good enough for now.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hey !! if you like my fics, please consider checking [this](https://lesbian-arsonist-blog.tumblr.com/post/629325455315566592) out !!
> 
> thank you for reading and stay spicy y'all <3


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